Pakistan is a lovely country, full of ingenious people and beautiful landscapes. I could go on and on about it’s beauty but that’s not really the topic here. Just as beautiful the country is, the traditions are even more enticing. And that’s a good thing, traditions are important, they are our roots, where we come from, tales from our ancestors.

But sometimes, I just wish we would realize our ancestors messed up. For instance, getting married. Just party and have fun and let the couple enjoy the party too. But then sometimes the couple are just meeting on the day which means it will not be much of a party, which is awkward enough as it is, thankfully though the concept of actually knowing your life partner is gaining godspeed.

Let us break this down. I was an adamant advocate of not giving gifts of clothes etc to the in-laws, I used to boast that I would do no such thing on my daughter’s events. But I did, not in the conventional sense though, the grooms side reciprocated the gifts just as much as I did! And I gave the gifts, not out of social pressure, but because they are so nice I said to myself, what’s a little token of love between us.

I consider myself lucky, God has been gracious and I am thankful my daughter made a good choice in her life partner. Lord knows I never wanted to go groom hunting and I don’t know what I would have chosen!

On the whole, it is a ridiculous situation, gifts are supposed to be out of love not out of favour, not something you give someone in the hope they will be nice to your child. Things work differently in Pakistan, when we see the flaunters give lavish gifts such as Rolex watches and gold bangles to the in-laws (with full social media coverage), we don’t think, ‘Oh! It’s because they can, we don’t have to’, we think, ‘Oh! Now I have to.’ My question is who will break the cycle and how many will it take to just stop.

As with many other factors, this has to be a trickle down affect. It has to start from the top. Those who have any influence at all have to start to simplify the whole wedding shebang.

You may say, it is everyone’s freedom of choice how they want to spend and show off, which is true, absolutely true, but think of the change you can make, think of how many people will take a huge sigh of relief and give your example.

Now to the guest list, how many people are genuinely interested or happy about your wedding. You don’t have to invite ALL the relatives you know. Don’t call people just to collect the ‘salami’(wedding gift given in the form of cash). If you call people who are happy for you, you will have a very small guest list anyway so you will not need the salami to pay the wedding bill anyway.

The saying goes, if you have it flaunt it. Pakistanis are staunch believers of this, and also believe in ‘even if you don’t have it, flaunt it’. It’s a matter of one’s ‘izzat’ (honour) to host the most lavish wedding, even if it puts you in debt for the next twenty years, but no, have to spread the tables for the hundreds you invited. So my point is why? Why do you want to bankrupt yourselves? Why can’t it be a gathering of your loved ones and friends and comfortable enough where the bride doesn’t have to end with sciatica pain by sitting for eight hours.

Why can’t the couple mingle with their guests? Why can’t it be a nice, warm time to remember?